The Legendary Chronicles of the Band Hermit:

The Sugar Bowl: My Trip to New Orleans, Pt. 1

2009-01-04T07:42:30Z

Hello to all...
I have been pretty scattered and busy, so I haven't had time to update in two weeks. I started my novel last week--brainstorming, at least, so that should be interesting. I am excited to start writing it!!
My Christmas was moderately enjoyable. I got a Utes Sugar Bowl sweatshirt (we are undefeated!!!!!), a Meg and Dia CD, Season 2 of House on DVD...and some other awesome stuff. Laura got me the Facebook Book, thus confirming my obsession with the internet social plaza.
But really, what I want to talk about is my trip to New Orleans.
The University of Utah football team has been, if you didn't know, undefeated, all year. In fact, now we are even more undefeated, if that makes any sense, because we beat the University of Alabama in the Sugar Bowl. It was amazing. The University of Alabama is 4th in the nation (we are currently 6th, though with our 13-0 record, we may now move up even further), and was actually 1st in the nation for much of the season until they were beaten by Florida. And, excuse my potentially crass aura here, but we smashed their southern asses!! Haha!
I got my stuff together VERY early on Wednesday morning. We had a pep band game on Tuesday night, so I got home at around 10:45 and got to bed at about 11. I got up at 3 a.m., and prepared to run on only 4 hours of sleep for the rest of the day. I knew I was going to be exhausted.
I wanted to leave the house at around 4, because I was under the impression that our flight left at 5:30 that morning but, as I found out after closer examination upon Brian's e mail, the call time was 5:30, but the plane was schedule to leave at 7 a.m. My dad and I left the house for MillionAir Airport at 5 a.m. to make call time.
I was really excited to take a charter plane to New Orleans!! Unfortunately, the plane ride was only a few hours, so I didn't get that much of a chance to get some rest. Lame sauce, I know, but that was what happened. I was so exhausted, and barely even functional. I sat between Sarah and Heather and barely said anything as we prepared for take-off. In fact, I think I slept for the majority of the flight, save a few minutes when I ate something (I think some Chex Mix and some Fiber One bar that was definitely not actually vegan).
We landed in New Orleans about 45 minutes late, due to lameness on the airport staff's part.Oh, well. It just decreased our free time from 2 and a half hours to just over an hour. And, as it turned out, we got even less time than that, which majorly sucked. As soon as we got off the plane, we piled onto the lovely buses and the supposed 15 minute trip to the hotel was initiated. However, we spent about 20 minutes just chilling on the buses for pretty much no reason. At least, the reason wasn't apparent to us. I was sitting with Heather and Dallan, and we were so eager to get to our hotel and relax for a little bit before we had to play fanfest.
We finally arrived at the Marriot Hotel on Canal Street at around 12:30 or so. We brought our luggage up to our rooms and grabbed our uniforms from the ballroom on the third floor, and prepared to load the buses again to go play at Fanfest. We were supposed to have time to eat, but inevitably, that didn't happen, and we started out on growling stomachs. Bitterness ensued at first, but eventually it subsided and we appreciated the fact that we were in New Orleans.
Fanfest was across from the Hard Rock Cafe, on Decatur Street. We played for about fifteen minutes after a quick warm up and sectionals, and then got back on the buses, changed out of our uniforms, and got into some lighter clothing for our two hour rehearsal at the Superdome.
We arrived at the Superdome about fifteen minutes later. Personally, I wasn't too excited, because we had to learn so much new material, and I was already cranky from the lack of sleep I had endured all morning. I didn't know if I had the mental or emotional capacity to really learn any new stuff.
Anyway,though,we all had to remove our shoes when we arrived at the Dome because the field was still being set and painted for the Bowl game. We started out in sectionals, and I ran sketchily through the unified-band tune, "Celebrate", which was a medley of "Celebration" and some song that I actually didn't recognize but sounded relatively amusing. We played "Celebrate" at halftime with Alabama's band and a few high school bands. It was sort of a celebratory dedication to the Sugar Bowl. There had to be a few thousand people on the field. The number 7,000 sticks in my head, but I don't really think that's possible.
Back to the rehearsal, though: after sectionals, Brian gathered us together and said that we were going to have to be ready to work a ton of stuff out because we were on a major time crunch. He sent us to set 9 of our halftime show, which was actually the first set of THIS halftime show, and the beginning of our dance feature, "Love for Sale".
We really got into it. We learned how to get on the field for the tune, and then we ran through the song. No problems there, really. Some dumbassery here and there, but nothing too drastic. Brian also said that, because of the fact that we were probably going to be on national television during our performance, we really had to sell it as much as possible. We needed to add some interesting movements--we needed to get into the song. The band did so. At first, the clarinets were really lame (we had our own pod, save Dallan, who plays piccolo but was the odd one out in our group; the band was separated into these pods all over the field), but Rico, Nick and Michigan (Mike) came up with a great and HILARIOUS idea that really revved us up. In the middle of the song, they got up and started basically going crazy. They danced around the front row of clarinets (me, Duchess, Cady, Bridget, and Melanie), exaggerating their horn angles and gesticulating wildly. It was about the funniest thing I had ever seen. It wouldn't have happened if Ariane (my band director at Northridge--she was a TA in the U of U marching band this year because she is currently working on getting her Master's at the U) hadn't come up to us time and time again and said, "You guys, you need to be SO crazy that Brian tells you that it's too much. Then, you'll be successful." Well, they took this to a new level. The first time they did it, I fell over laughing. Eventually, I calmed myself, and managed not to explode during the actual performance at the Sugar Bowl, but it was pretty hilarious. In the end, they got Melanie and Bridget to participate in the circular dancing, too, but those two weren't nearly as crazy as Nick, Rico and Mike. In fact, they were a little boring, but at least they moved. :)
We ran through "Ya Gotta Try", our closer, and practiced marching off the field. Then, we practiced the set for the combined band feature. That was the most complicated. We formed a huge U on one side of the field, and practiced playing "Celebrate" in this formation. We practiced getting on and off the field for the U formation, and Brian explained that the Alabama band (which is three times larger than ours) was going to form at the other end, and that the high school bands were going to form one collective block in the middle of the field.
After all that, we practiced our shortened pregame performance, which we had learned already, and then the revised tunnel, and then headed over to the other side of the field for a music rehearsal, which lasted only about twenty minutes or so.
Finally, we headed back to the hotel. I was surprised to see that it was dark outside when we exited the Superdome, but was exceptionally excited to get some rest and to maybe see some more of New Orleans that night, as it was, in fact, New Year's Eve! When I got back to the hotel, I went straight to my room with Sarah, Missy, and Heather (and Brian and Rico, by default), and we all discussed what we were going to do that evening.
At first, I really just wanted to stay in and chill all night, as lame as that might seem, because I really was tired. Heather went and hung out with Dallan and Shastaberry (Caleb) for a little while, as I remember, Missy left with Brian, and I remained in the room with Sarah and Rico. We watched some TV and I got into my pajamas and got ready for bed.
Eventually, Nick and Melanie came to our room, and I immediately did not wish to any longer be there. I know they are just friends, but it crushes me to see them together, just because I like Nick so much and he truly adores Melanie. There is more to that story (and to my douchebaggery), but I will tell that later. I found Heather in the hall, as she was about ready to leave with a giant group of people for Bourbon Street, and immediately asked if I could come with her. She was quite happy to have me there with the group because she knew how unhappy I was and knew that I needed a break.
I ran back to the room, threw on some jeans and my Sugar Bowl sweatshirt, put my ID, phone and a few dollars into my front jeans pockets, and left, hurriedly, just as Rico, Sarah, Melanie and Nick were putting in the Dark Knight. I felt kind of sad because they seemed disappointed that I was leaving and going out to party instead of watching with them, and even more so, because I knew my hurt was radiating from across the room. I got my stuff together as quickly as I can, mumbled some vaguely haughty phrases, and did not make eye contact. I just left.
In any case, I am glad I did, because I ended up having so much fun. The group was huge, and we just walked down Bourbon Street, calling out for people to toss beads down to us from the balconies, and observing the bars, gift shops, restaurants and clubs that made up this Las Vegas strip of New Orleans. Pretty much everything was x-rated, though, so we couldn't go into many places. Or rather, we chose not to. *shifts eyes* The bars, though, were partaken of by multiple of age members of our group, including Garrett and Dokos. Good times. Some members were more than tipsy by the end of the night, but not too hardcore smashed, as we had a rehearsal in the morning.
Eventually, it was just me, Heather, Michigan, Andrew, Dallan, CJ, and Erik left. We made our way to the waterfront and watched the fireworks herald the sky as midnight struck, all the while enjoying a brass band. It was gorgeous. Heather kissed Michigan at midnight, and gave small cheek kisses to the other guys in our group. Not that Heather and Mike are actually dating or anything. Really, they're just friends. But I'll bet he wanted that kiss more than she did. :D Anyway, I am sure it was enjoyed by both.
We headed back to the hotel, and Heather and I found that the Dark Knight was just ending in our hotel room. Subsequently, Nick and Melanie left (which was good, because I was really hoping that they would be gone by the time we got back), and we all got ready for bed when Missy arrived back. We pulled the beds together and made what Missy and Heather described as being a "Love Bed", a giant bed created for multiple people to sleep in. Heather, Missy and I squeezed onto one side of it, and Sarah and Rico took the other side (they're married, so this is legal). We talked for quite awhile, and didn't get to sleep until around 2 in the morning or so.
At 7:00, we all reluctantly awoke and began to prepare for our day, which, according to the schedule, only included an hour and a half Superdome rehearsal in the morning, and then a pep rally at 5:30, so it was going to be a fairly easy day.
For this, I was thankful.
*TBC*

O_O Update!

2008-12-20T01:05:05Z

Hello, everyone!!
I haven't updated in forever, I know. I would like to say that I haven't had the time.
Sadly, that wouldn't be altogether the truth.
Let's catch up: an entire semester has gone by this year, and I haven't written a thing in my livejournal. Honestly, there was a LOT to say. Unfortunately, due to my relentless laziness, much of this excitement will never reach Livejournal.
I am going to try to be better at writing here.
Anyway, I spent an entire semester as a Music Performance major and, I must say, I enjoy it, for the most part. I love music with all my heart. I am still an English Comp. major, but I am switching to Creative Writing at second semester. I am SUPER stoked.
Marching band was amazing this year. I don't think I held up too well as a section leader, but at least I got the experience. Our team was sensational: we ended up being one of only two undefeated teams at the end of the season, along with Boise State. :) I am so amazed by our football team. I have grown to better appreciate the intrinsic value of the sport of football. Here, here!!
We are going to New Orleans for the Sugar Bowl!! The marching band leaves at 5:30 a.m. on December 31st. The plane ride is going to be short; however, I expect that from the arrival time in New Orleans to the time we go to bed in our New Orleans hotel, the palpable length of the trip will begin to ensue. :P We'll see. Our hotel is within walking distance of Bourbon Street, which is doubly exciting!!! And don't get me started on the fact that we will be in New Orleans for New Year's Eve!! AMAZING.
There is a lot more to say. There were definitely some trying emotional times this semester, and I will get to that later...but for now, I bid you adieu.
Cheers,
The Band Hermit

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! THE IRONY!!!

2007-02-18T02:48:47Z

IRONY!!!!IRONY!!!!!IRONY!!!!!LOLLOLLOLLOL!!!ROFL!!!

You know the Bible 66%!

Congratulations! You know a lot about the Bible - the books, the characters, the events. You are able to remember a lot of what you have heard and read!

Ultimate Bible Quiz
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Test...

2007-02-14T23:24:37Z

Create your own Friend Test here

thebandhermit @ 2007-01-20T21:42:00

2007-01-21T03:42:25Z

You know, I wish I could just throw my dreams out onto paper. They'd be so awesome to read. I'd love to watch them, in fact. I wish they were real movies.
Hmph. The things I imagine would make great music videos, I think.

BeekerDuck

2007-01-15T17:48:25Z

Erin's friend is over today, which I think is nice considering Erin never gets to have friends over. NEVER. It's sad, really.
Anyway, I will probably be working all day today. I already cleaned Erin's room for her, or at least I did essentially. She made her bed...
I think I'm such a loser.

That President

2007-01-15T01:44:09Z

You Are Most Like Bill Clinton

No doubt, your legacy may be a little seedier than you'd like.
But even though you've done some questionable things, you're still loved by almost all.

What Modern US President Are You Most Like?

Hey-Oh

2007-01-15T01:17:44Z

So, I'm expecting a good week this week. We start practicing with the cast of "Thoroughly Modern Millie" on Wednesday, we've got a basketball game on Tuesday night, and to top it off, we DO NOT have school tomorrow or Tuesday. I start my CE Music Appreciation class on Thursday also, which is awesome! I'M SO EXCITED!
Just one more semester and I graduate. I guess that explains why I just joined the group "Senioritis" on Facebook... I mean, I am so excited for college. I wasn't, but certain recent events have led me to change my point of view. There's only one thing I'm afraid of, and I don't know how I'll get over it. Never mind, though.
Let's see. What do I have to do tomorrow and Tuesday? I have to finish my Stats assignment, study the sections in the chapter for my test this week so that I can PASS(!!!), practice my clarinet for the pit orchestra so that I don't look as bad as half of the musicians on Wednesday, start reading Chapter 12 in my psychology book and hope I did well on my test *cringes*, practice my band music and audition music (clarinet), read Act IV in "Othello" twice (for extra practice), review Act III and take that quiz on it, and do the rest on that English homework I have written down in my planner.
ARGH! I AM SOOO EXCITED FOR THIS WEEK TO START!!

Thanks, Brandon

2007-01-01T01:45:45Z

SURVEY:::
1. Who are you?
2. Are we friends?
3. When and how did we meet?
4. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
5. Describe me in one word.
6. What was your first impression?
7. Do you still think that way about me now?
8. What reminds you of me?
9. If you could give me anything what would it be?
10. How well do you know me?
11. When's the last time you saw me?
12. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
13. Are you going to post this in your notes and see what I say about you?

Satur Day

2006-12-02T22:06:47Z

I was going to do something with Kelsey, but our plans gott muddled. Maybe I can do something with Liz and Laura tomorrow. I'll probably call them and get something together (they're pretty much my only Utah friends that aren't Mormon, so they can actually do stuff on Sundays...).
Anyway, I have to finish my college applications for USC and UU. PLUS, I have to practice 2 instruments this weekend (I have my Christmas concert next Tuesday--not to be confused with this Tuesday), and I have Stats, Theory and Psychology homework. AND...I need to get another solo for my clarinet. *sheepish grin*
Yeah, so. That's what's...going on.

24

2006-11-25T20:16:04Z

"24" -- Switchfoot:

24 oceans; 24 skies.
24 failures in 24 tries.
24 finds me in 24th place
With 24 dropouts at the end of the day.
Life is not what I thought it was 24 hours ago.
Still, I'm singing 'Spirit, take me up in arms with you.'
And I'm not who I thought I was 24 hours ago.
Still, I'm singing, 'Spirit, take me up in arms with you.'
It's 24 reasons to admit that I'm wrong.
With all my excuses, still 24 strong.
See, I'm not copping out, not copping out, not copping out.
And you're raising the dead in me.
Oh, Oh, I am the second man.
Oh, Oh,I am the second man now.
Oh, I am the second man now.
And you're raising these 24 voices with 24 hearts.
And all of my symphonies in 24 parts.
But I want to be one today, centered and true.
I'm singing, 'Spirit, take me up in arms with you.'
You're raising the dead in me.
Oh, Oh, I am the second man.
Oh, Oh, I am the second man now.
Oh, I am the second man now.
And you're raising the dead in me now.
I want to see miracles; the see the world change;
Wrestle the angel for more than a name;
For more than a feeling; for more than a cause.
I'm singing, 'Spirit, take me up in arms with you.'
(And you're raising the dead in me)
(Oh, Oh, I am the second man)
(Oh, Oh, I am the second man now)
(Oh, I am the second man now)
(And you're raising the dead in me)
24 voices in 24 hearts.
And all of my symphonies in 24 parts.
Life is not what I thought it was 24 hours ago.
Still I'm singing, 'Spirit, take me up in arms...'
I'm not copping out, not copping out, not copping out...

QQQQUUUUIIIIZZZZ

2006-11-11T18:04:36Z

You Are An INFP

The Idealist

You are creative with a great imagination, living in your own inner world.
Open minded and accepting, you strive for harmony in your important relationships.
It takes a long time for people to get to know you. You are hesitant to let people get close.
But once you care for someone, you do everything you can to help them grow and develop.

You would make an excellent writer, psychologist, or artist.

What's Your Personality Type?

For the Next Five Days...

2006-10-27T00:04:20Z

...BAND TRIP TO SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA TO PERFORM IN THE LOS ANGELES COLOSSEUM!!!!! SEE YOU WHEN I GET BACK!!!

Juice

2006-10-22T16:27:39Z

You Are Expressionism

Moody, emotional, and even a bit angsty... you certainly know how to express your emotions.
At times, you tend to lack perspective on your life, probably as a result of looking inward too much.
This introspection does give you a flair for the dramatic. And it's even maybe made you cultivate some artistic talents!
You have a true artist's temperament... which is a blessing and a curse.

What Art Movement Are You?

I Am Absolutely Sick of Looking Up Colleges

2006-10-15T05:31:42Z

Seriously. WHY ARE THERE SO MANY? I mean, sure: I found out Brown doesn't require SAT Subjects tests (which is, by the way, lame for any university...), which is great, but I STILL can't apply to Columbia or UCLA Berkeley BECAUSE of that.
This is upsetting and frustrating. Someone kill me, now.

Weekday Sessions

2006-10-13T16:24:14Z

'Allo. And now, for something completely different: (1) I officially completed part 1 of my college application for USC yesterday and sent it in. First and second choice majors? English and Music. (2) I cannot apply to Columbia at all, because they require all applicants to have taken 2 SAT subjects tests. *cough* I was going to take the English one, but never got around to it. Furthermore, I wouldn't have taken any other ones if I had gotten the chance anyway. SAD. (3) Maybe I'll apply to NY University instead. It's a fantastic school, and it IS in New York City. That's awesome. (4) I had a foot ball game on Wednesday evening. It was fun. Elizabeth, Kelsey, Charles, Erica and Kyle and I laughed our heads off, basically (instruments they play in the order that they were mentioned: Clarinet/bass clarinet, alto saxophone, [not in band, but plays the] alto saxophone, clarinet, and clarinet). WOW, it was fun. We marched back to the band room. (5) Yesterday and today make up UEA break. NO SCHOOL. *jumps up and down* (6) We had a marching band competition last Saturday, at which we took second place. It was pretty awesome. BUT, American Fork MB, our rival, took all the captions AND first place. Hm. It was a real coincidence that two of the people helping out with the competition were affiliated with American Fork in some way...THE COMPETITION WAS OBVIOUSLY FIXED. Everyone said it, and that it was even this way the last two years as well. Apparently, Davis NEVER takes first place at Mt. Timpanogos. (7) Marching band competition on Tuesday night at BYU. We took third place, which was completely OUT of line, because we did a LOT better than the band that took second. Anyway, we knew this for a fact. So, when Mr. Hendricks listened to one of the judges' tapes from the competition, he had a strong reason to believe that the judges had screwed up. At final closure, he played the tape for us. Instead of saying, "Hello, Davis", he said "Hello, Skyview"--the band that had received second place over us. Many positive comments followed, leading Hendricks to believe that our positive comments had gone to Skyview: we had actually received second place. We checked with the Skyview band director, and yes: her tape read "Hello, Davis". But get this (and this gets me angry--just a little bit...): we're going to keep the third place trophy. LAME. "Oh, we can't tell Skyview that they actually got third place. That would be such a letdown." WELL, TOO DAMN BAD. IF IT WERE MY DECISION, THEY WOULD KNOW. THEY NEED TO KNOW THAT THEY DID SOMETHING WRONG AND THEY NEED TO FIX IT. American Fork took first place and all the captions. We got back at just past midnight and I slept in through first period the next morning. (8) One of our clarinetists is leaving us on Monday. That's his last day of band. It's really sad. Now, I have one fewer clarinet player to look after in my section. *is dejected* I want to bake him a gigantic chocolate good-bye cake or something, but we'll see how things go. (9) We go to Lagoon tonight for Frightmares! Lagoon is an amusement park, and Frightmares! is a special Halloween thing that they put on every year. I AM EXCITED. (10) Lots of homework to do. I want to keep my grades up. (11) I just found out that I get academic credit for going to the Davis MB. I found it on my schedule this last weekend. It was pretty scary: I saw two band teachers on the list. I have 9 classes. HA! (12) Actually, I think that's it...

TieDIE

2006-10-08T16:19:09Z

Argh. I am so sick of everything.
World, build me up and throw me down again. For what purpose? God's sense of humor sure is a pain in the ass.
Not that I think there is a god. But hypothetically, if there was, I could say for sure that his sense of humor is a pain in the ass.

Deadpan

2006-10-07T02:12:38Z

That, of course, shall be my word for tomorrow. *laughs*
This week was amusing.
We had late starts on Tuesday and Wednesday. By 'we', I mean...all people who were NOT juniors. HA! The juniors had stupid IOWA testing in the morning, and the REST of us got to start school at 10:00 a.m. HA!again.
Um...late start this morning...interesting but frustrating sectional...MARCHING BAND COMPETITION TOMORROW!!!!!! *is ecstatic*...I have scholarships to apply for...must remember to call Emily tomorrow...and lots of random stuff like that. I wish I had the gumption to write more. Unfortunately, I cannot...
Don't ask me why. It's certainly not like me, that's for sure.

Utah Mentor

2006-10-03T21:36:05Z

This title means nothing. I saw it on a sheet of paper.
I have the best idea for a new story, which will not fully be disclosed here, but I think it will be very effective--IF I write it right. I have to study some more Steinbeck. The idea involves a Mormon girl not knowing what to do with her life, finding something, and suddenly converting to a different religion, against her family's wishes. HA! Take that, Utah.
Anyway, it should be awesome. Trust me: it's not as naive as it sounds.
Today: AP English, AP Statistics, and practicing to do. YEAH!
No marching band practice...maybe I'll actually get some stuff done...
;)

99 Red Balloons

2006-10-01T05:02:40Z

Wow. Lots to tell. No time, though. So: here's the short version:

(1) First marching band competition on Tuesday. We did very well, considering the fact that we have no dynamics (our judges all said we had no passion--how hurtful is that? It sucks that it's true...everything else was perfect, though...)
(2) I've been sick. Nothing nearly fatal or anything. Just a bad cold. And headaches. Stuff of the like. We had Super Saturday (9 hours of marching band practice) last Saturday, so I got sick there. It was miserable. I'm pretty much better now.
(3) I've been downloading songs like MAD on My Kazaa. It is so amusing.
(4) I can't wait for the Evanescence concert!
(5) I get to play Antigone in a re-enacted scene from Sophocles' "Antigone" on Monday in AP English. I am excited...and nervous.
(6) Yeah for band!!!

After the Parade

2006-09-17T23:51:57Z

I am very sad, though I wouldn't call myself depressed at the moment. Anyway, I downloaded the song "Until the Day I Die", by Story of the Year, so I'm happy about that. I've always loved that song.
I have a short story to tell, while I'm Emo about everything. If I tell it at any other time, I shall be deficient in the emotion necessary to tell it correctly. It also may not seem like an amazing story to anyone else, but I consider it to be very important.
The other day, I marched in my first (and last) parade with Davis HS's marching band. The other NRidge kids were there, of course: Lisa, Brian, Kyle B and Kyle S. My shako hat basically tilted to the right side of my head until it was practically OFF my head, on a whimsical note.
Moving on:
After the parade, I checked with Lisa to see whether or not she was going to be able to give me a ride home, and she told me that she couldn't that day, after all. So: I asked Kyle S. he responded with a tired 'yes, unless Kyle B. could give me a ride over him'. Unfortunately, he wasn't able to do so. Therefore, Kyle led me outside to his car, where I loaded my stuff up into his trunk and we drove off.
I felt really bad at having asked him to give me a ride, because he had an essay to finish for Mr. Seiter. On the other hand, I wouldn't have been able to get home any other way. So it was a bit of a blessing.
We were driving along the highway, making jokes and listening to random radio programs, mainly Glen Beck. A commercial came on, though, interrupting his program--for a long time, in fact, so that Kyle and I had to actually find something to talk about that had substance. Our conversation brought itself to meet the fact that I was apologizing every ten seconds (this is an idiom) for having asked him to drive me home. Regardless of the fact that this may have very likely annoyed him greatly, I felt genuinely problematic at that moment in time.
However, being the person that he is, Kyle assured me unfalteringly that it was okay, regardless of the fact that I could read tiredness in his voice at having agreed to drive me.
Then I explained to him why I was so irritated that I had to ask people for rides all the time, and how it was, nonetheless, still necessary. My mom is stressed out all the time, and has to drive back and forth across town about eight times a day, to pick up her three children from their individual extracurricular activities and educational institutions. Additionally, she has depression, and gets worse when she is stressed out. All this, I told him, and he stayed silent for a long while, as I realized just how embarrassed I was at having told him just that. Then I thought I had really struck him, and that he, too, was uncomfortable with the explanation--or, perhaps, he thought it all a lie, and couldn't bring himself to tell me that he thought I was being melodramatic again. This, of course, was true. But melodrama always must accompany my explanations, for...well, the nature of my explanations is dramatic in any case. The way I tell it is merely a slight exaggeration of what things are really like: and that is only because it is the person I am. I am an artist and, therefore, a storyteller.
He was, in fact, silent for a long thirty seconds. Once or twice, his mouth opened as if he meant to say something, but he always stopped himself. His hands still gripped the wheel in a relaxed manner, regardless of the discomfort of the inside of the car at the moment. I looked over at him:
"Are you...angry with me or something?"
"No. Why?"
"You aren't...talking to me, is all."
"Oh. No, I'm just trying to...say something. I feel like I should...say something."
So I apologized again, and we talked about that for the umpteenth time. He told me things that I could relate to--or rather, can--and the conversation drifted back to the original topic.
Suddenly, as we were pulling into Centerville (off the exit), he asked me: "What gives you hope, Milagra?"
I didn't know how to answer. I could only think of the things that did not give me hope. This is part of my underlying realism (pessimism?). I tried to explain, but I couldn't. I could only go into how I don't think I have a family anymore, and about my past depression due to such things, and about how the only thing that really makes me happy anymore is the people that I love, the people that show me kindness.
He was silent again. He can be extremely serious when he wants to be. It's odd: he's the most off-the-wall funny person that I know, but when he's serious, he's more serious than anyone else I've ever known. I think it must be because of something that has happened to him in his past. It seems like he understands sadness better than most people, for some reason. I cannot detect it yet. Most of me supposes that it's because he's Mormon. That's a hard thing for me to explain, though, so I can't really go into it. It's just the thing about being part of a religion that really shapes a person's heart into one extreme or the other: you're either a manipulative bastard who tries to conform everyone else to your own religion, or you're an unbelievably compassionate person that goes with everything and listens to God and responds to him by being compassionate to others. I'm not religious, but I see this in other people.
The only reason that I shy away from this is because he's so different from Kyle Berg. They are both Mormon, and both are exceptionally...religious. I don't know how else to put it. They are both so into their faith that they place it into everything. BUT...Kyle Berg is more grounded. He is more grown up in the sense that he accepts the responsibilities of an adult: not the emotional ones, but the really taxing ones, like the "physical work" part--a job, homework, duties, band council meetings, titles, and things of the like. The only thing that he really doesn't take seriously is homework, I guess...or maybe a better way to put it would be to say that he's forgetful. In any case, that's what makes him and Kyle S. different. Kyle Saunders is more intuitive. I used to think that they were both alike in this sense, but I've realized that they aren't. Kyle B. thinks that I'm fully healed, and is not so much on my guard anymore. Kyle S., on the other hand, is always on the lookout for happiness, and always ready to joke around and make someone happy--so that unhappiness appears to be so atypical to him that he recognizes it through its difference, and immediately rushes to alleviate it; destroy it, much of the time.
The reason I went off on this supposed tangent to explain the difference between the "two Kyles" is actually very relevant. (A relevant tangent--what an oxymoron). I want to separate them so that the reader can understand exactly why I am telling this story.
I was starting to despise myself again because I was talking about myself instead of letting him talk. Yes, he was inviting me to open up to him, but I am so tired of speaking the way I do: it used to be such a relief for me, and it still was a relief to tell him these things, but it's also become a release of hackneyed phrases. I am tired of complaining. I haven't been severely depressed since early August, which is an amazing increment for me, and I feel like I've gotten a LOT BETTER, especially in regards to where I was this time last year. I was planning suicide this time last year, so I feel like I'm just a little Emo kid when I talk about the bad things in my life right now. It makes me feel like I really do want peoples' attention. The only thing is that, when I start talking about these things, I can't stop. And I keep thinking about them. I can relate to others better when I feel like they understand me and what upsets me. Perhaps this is why I kept going when Kyle asked me what gave me hope.
I stopped presently, and told myself that I was done for good. Inside, I quailed from my real self, wanting to smack myself for continually talking. I felt unnecessary, and like a stupid little Emo kid. My face contorted into a false blankness, although if I had been by myself it would have been red and furious and frustrated.
He turned onto my driveway and pulled around the circuitousness of it. He knows my driveway better now, I think. As he drove slower onto the driveway, and as he turned under the tree that hung over the most circular part of it--the part right in front of my house--he said:
"Milagra, you know you can always talk to me. I mean, I may not always understand what you say, but I'll always listen."
That is one of the nicest things that anyone has ever said to me. I felt a tear rise in my left eye, and than my right. My throat tightened. I wanted to respond, but I couldn't. He stopped in front of my house.
I turned to him, just as he told me: "I'll always be there for you, Milagra."
Well, I out my hands in front of my eyes and got mad at him. "ARGH. Don't say that. You'll make me cry."
Well, no sooner had I spoken those words did a few tears leak from my eyes. I looked up and unbuckled my seatbelt, refusing to look at his face. I was becoming more humiliated by the second. He stayed silent. He repeated himself, and I leaned over. He embraced me before I had a chance to do the same to him.
"How can people like you exist?" I asked. "You're so wonderful."
Truthfully, somewhere, deep down inside of me, I did not want to let go. But I also was humiliated, and pulled away after about ten seconds. Wiping away the tears, I gathered my things--my backpack, extraneous binders, set book, field markers, and clarinet--and exited his car.
This story makes me even more humiliated, because I think he may have received the wrong impression from me since then: I love him even more (as a person and friend) now, because of that, and I think I've pushed myself on him a little more, even as an accident, but only because people like him are so rare. I think, subconsciously, I'm afraid that I'll lose him if we're not wholly connected--that is, daily connected--like we were that day when he drove me home. I don't know. But one thing remains: I do not want to lose that kid, because if I do, I may crumble again. There are just some people are going to be too hard for me to let go of.

Oy

2006-09-09T19:19:38Z

Wow. What a week, I must say.
Firstly: first chair in band is interesting. I'm not quite used to it yet. But...it's cool.
I've got my first Psychology and Theory exams on Monday. Wish me luck...
We lost our football game last night...but it was fun anyway.
Um...Kyle S. asked a girl to Homecoming on Friday morning by singing "Hey, Baby!" to her while 2 clarinetists, a trumpet player and our tuba player played their parts behind him. The only change was that instead of "will you be my girl?", he entered, "will you go to Homecoming with me?". He was ecstatic when she said 'yes'. It was great.
Let's see...what else?? There was a little issue in English class on Friday that I do not have the energy to go into right now but probably will delve into later.
This morningi, for me, was spent driving around with band kids and putting fliers on peoples' mailboxes that describe how Taco Del Mar is going to support our band trip by donating all the proceeds from their dollar burritos directly to the school.
It was all fun.

Labor Day Break

2006-09-04T18:18:52Z

Hooray. I had a 3 day weekend. Well, it's still going on but I have to finish my homework, so it's not so much of a break anymore. I still have Theory and Math to do, and God knows if I'll ever get that Psychology outline finished. Gr.
I'm listening to a song we're playing in band right now!!! GO FIRST CHAIR ME.
Weeeellll...not really.
I have to wear my pink shirt tomorrow because I lost that bet with Kyle. Don't ask. But we are SO starting that bet over this week, and I am going to win this time. So there.

ANNOUNCEMENTS, ANNOUNCEMENTS!!

2006-09-02T22:25:08Z

Okay, so I've been to (roughly) 2 weeks of school now, and I must say that I enjoy it very much. My classes are easier than last year's classes for some reason. It could be that I'm taking more classes that I enjoy, or because I have an AP Research (AP study hall) hour sixth hour during which I get some of my work done, or because I know people better this year and have five classes with Kyle (for instance), thus making everything more fun.Or maybe it's because marching band gives me more energy. Hey, call me crazy if you want to. I probably am. But though I'm really tired when I get home from practice, I know that I'm healthier because I'm getting more exercise. Plus, I love to march. So.
NEXT. I finally got the courage to look at my AP Euro. History score and found out I got a 3. Sure, I'd have loved to get a 4 or 5, but think about it: I didn't do my last essay AT ALL. I DIDN'T WRITE ONE THING DOWN FOR IT. My first essay was basically crap (though not literally, as I made the mistake of telling Lisa the other day. We had a good laugh about my choice of words). My DBQ was really good. I was proud of it after I wrote it. But still: if your essays are shaky, the probability is that you will not pass. My multiple choice score and DBQ score must have been hella good for me to actually pass. Think: if I had actually done well on that other essay, I might have gotten a 4. AND, if I had finished both my essays, I might have received a 5. How about that?
LASTLY AND MOST IMPORTANTLY: The best announcement of all. *drum roll* I AM FIRST CHAIR CLARINETIST!!!!!! I was in shock when I found out because, frankly, I didn't think my audition went that well. Then, after my shock subsided, I moved on to depression, because I know that I will never be strong enough to face any challenges courageously. Following that was my guilty stage, during which I incessantly thought that Kyle Saunders should have gotten first chair (and I think it was a hairline that split us up, too). Finally, I moved on to acceptance and then happiness. Right now, I'm in my wariness stage, and I'm trying to decide how I'm going to be a good leader AND a decent concertmaster. But...it's pretty awesome. Kyle B. is first chair trombonist, and I knew he would be. He is amazing, that kid is. He was drum major AND got voted into being president of the band council. I love him. *laughs* But more on band council in a moment. First chair trumpet player is Brian Lucas, who also plays in the Davis Marching Band with the Kyles, Lisa and me, and the first chair flautist is Stephen--again. But there's a new male flautist this year who's really good, and got second chair. He wasn't beaten by a whole lot, either. SCARY. Stephen has always been first chair, as long as he's played the flute. It's funny. He only has one more year. If he gets first chair his senior year as well, he will have been first chair all his life. *laughs again*
The final results for the clarinet section are as follows:
(1) Me
(2) Kyle S.
(3) Lisa (HA! The 3 Davis kids are in the front!)
(4) Erica
(5) Diana
(6) Erinn
(7) Matt
Yup. There are 2 firsts, two seconds, and three thirds this year. Lisa was kind of upset because she was expecting to play first part--there were three firsts last year. However: last year, we had 9 clarinetists instead of 7.
Band Council got voted up. Kyle B, as I've stated, is President. Jeff is Vice President, as he was so close in the voting results to Kyle that we just made him second in line. Erica is our secretary, Kyle S. is our historian and Lisa is in charge of publicity. I am pleased with this outcome.
And...that's about it. My schedule, as you can probably infer, got sorted out eventually, and is as follows:
(1) AP Music Theory
(2) AP Statistics
(3) Jazz Band
(4) AP Psychology
(5) Advanced Wind Ensemble
(6) AP Research
(7) Aerobics
(8) AP English
This is contentment. *smiles*

First Day of School

2006-08-24T01:12:52Z

The counseling department officially sucks. Big time.
DIE.